Faith & Trust: A Conscious Uncoupling
At the Lion’s Gate Portal of 2019, in Bali, is when my spiritual awakening began. There was a potent, ancient, spiritual energy at the hotel I was staying at. Open grounds, on the sea. Prior to this trip to Bali, I had been spending many days at my friend Sunny’s hospital side saying prayers and ancient chants of healing. I think it was saying these ancient chants over and over, and sometimes 18 hours a day, for days and days at a time, that took me into my shift. In my meditation on the Lions Gate, something changed and I began what I now look back on as the beginning of my transition. I felt altered in some way, morphing.
About a month later I went to Costa Rica. In a gorgeous villa on the sea with the most lovely friends, I could find no peace. My body was vibrating, I couldn’t eat or sleep, my back felt like a thousand knives were stabbing me. I tried meditation and yoga and reiki and even drinking. But to no avail, I was deep in a painful energy I had never known. I found that this place, Santa Teresa, was a highly spiritual place on a crystal bed. And that it was known to send people into awakenings. These messages opened a door of awareness about spiritual awakenings I have never heard talked about before. By the end of the week I was in so much pain I went to see a master reiki healer in the area. She worked on me and told me this. “This is your wake up call, all the organs in your body are sick. If you don’t make significant changes in your life, you will get very, very ill.” I heard the truth in her words. And I knew the source that got my spirit to the sick state I was in. I knew when I got home that I would make the changes I had been avoiding for many years.
6 years prior my parents had both died. 4 months apart from each other. It was this huge change in my life that finally gave me the guts to tell my partner of about 13 years (at that time) that we should part. That both of us were not happy. He said, “That’s not what I want.” The love we had for each other was deep and true, but our alignment had been off for years.
I am a bird that needs flight. I love to travel, and socialize - to be with people. I like to work hard and go to concerts and play. And that really wasn’t what he wanted in a partner. So the misalignment was really more about what the idea of marriage should be. I honored what he asked, to stay and work on it. Also thinking that I may have been in this mind-frame because of my parents death. So I committed to intense therapy. Because my childhood consisted of significant abuse, their deaths definitely brought up a lot. And so I dove deep into this work. Shadow work is not fun. It’s the work of a warrior. After about 2.5 years of grueling work I decided to close Pandora’s box to focus on positive things and growth.
This is when I began Coco’s. I honed and focused my energy on something I wanted to grow. Which also took my mind off the truth that I was still unaligned with my partner. Staying with someone you are unaligned with is very difficult but the fact that we had so much love and respect for each other, we would make it work. I would get broken up about thinking of separating which would hurt the 2 people I loved most in the world - my family. So I went on as things were. Time did not heal the misalignment. And now looking back at it, I realize that ignoring the messages God is presenting to you is harmful in every way. I was not living in truth. I was ignoring all that God was asking of me. And it began to internalize in my body - eventually getting me to the day the reiki master told me my organs were failing.
I came home from Costa Rica knowing we had to make a change. We were both at a place where we were ready. And decided the day after Thanksgiving to make our moves to uncouple. We waited until the holidays were over to let Mahina know. We kept it from friends and family until we thought it was final. We didn’t want Mahina affected by gossip or anger from anyone so we planned it in a way where we could consciously uncouple and then tell our community. We lived 6 months - through quarantine - together in harmony even though we were moving through the steps of divorce. I have to give Kai so much credit…
Oh what a loving soul he was to be able to do that. I see so many ugly divorces but we were able to do it with love and respect. It takes 2 people to accomplish that. I am forever grateful to him for so much, but for this the most.
I say all of these very personal things only to offer a story some can learn from. My lesson in all of this is that faith allowed my life to take on a totally new direction than I had ever imagined. The lesson is, that when you live in FAITH & TRUST, God rewards you with so much MORE. More of everything.
I had been given messages from spirit that it was time to move on for years but ignored them because of loyalty and to follow the rules of society. If I had stayed on this path, I would have perished too early in this life and not accomplished my life mission. In making these huge changes, I was honoring what God was asking of me. With no road map, I was asked to do it all on FAITH & TRUST. I wanted to lovingly uncouple. Something I had not seen anyone I know do. I had to trust He would lead me and provide for me, and get me to a place of healing, of happiness, and abundance.
Everyday I sat at my meditation alter and dove deep into my practice. Surrendering and trusting. Knowing that even though I could not see the path through that he would get me there.
Looking back now I see my preparation to live in co-creating with Spirit, had begun before the collective. The collective started their transformation in March of 2020. Luckily, I had already begun living in faith.
Now I walk a path that is totally authentically me. With no rules and no walls. No cage around this bird. I found a place of refuge within - through Spirit. I began cleaning house. The house of my body and soul. Now daily I work with healers or study information to continue the growth and shadow work. I am learning about my gifts and talents and am growing into the healer and person God always meant for me to be. Daily my prayers to Spirit, my angels and guides, is to help me become the highest and best version of myself so that I can be of service to others, Mother Earth, and humanity.
I give my life over to him so I can help shift consciousness. Bring in light where there is dark.
2020 certainly brought a floodlight to the dark existing in our world. It has challenged us to continue to create and spread light. So much is dark and these forces are powerful and at work, BUT here I sit in my bubble of love. Proudly on the team of light and love. Always learning and always growing with complete faith and trust that even though sometimes I can’t see the way through - I have the Creator guiding my way.
If you have been getting the niggle to make changes in your life, however big and scary they may seem, my advice is to look for guidance within. There, Spirit can connect with you and guide you to see through any darkness. On the other side of that fear is your peace. I believe Spirit rewards this type of strength and faith. The rewards are deep and potent and endless. And through that dark, you will get to the path that is authentically you.
One of the blessings I have received is I can feel my body healing. I have a glow that I have never had before. I feel alive in all ways. Happiness in every cell. It’s magical. I am humbly and completely grateful to my Creator for his guidance, love and patience with me. I can’t wait for the future and love every moment of the present!
With love and light. xx Nicci
