Danger Within the Union Realm
I see a pandemic in the union realm. So I start this section with a warning and information to help you discern danger. Knowledge can help you protect yourself.
As I mentioned, wounded souls have a deeper capacity to love. And therefore you have a deep capacity to hurt. If you walk into union with out watching for land mines you can really get yourself into deep, deep water. There are, unfortunately, a lot of predators or victimizers out there. I mention some personality types and attachment styles below. Narcissistic abuse is rampant and very difficult to heal from. Ideally, if you were to see warning signs its possibly you can walk away sooner. The longer you stay in relation with this predators, the harder the process to heal. I Will offer strategy to heal from narcissistic abuse and to heal from avoidant and anxious attachment. But if you see warning signs first, donʻt walk. Run.
Narcissist are easier to detect than covert narcissist they are grandiose, entitled and have a lack of empathy. They crave attention, admiration and validation. They are not hiding their narcissistic behavior. I believe there are Many avoidant narcissists out there, and in my view, they often align with whatʻs clinically called covert narcissist. A narcissist who presents as sensitive and reserved, yet still carries the same underlying traits.
Avoidant attachment style- you feel for an avoidant. For this story of trauma. You can feel their hurt. It feels authentic. For the deeply loving, wounded person. You know this pain yourself so your compassion runs deep.
Avoidant narcissist- when avoidant behavior is coupled with narcissism, itʻs a hook that Will keep you stuck and keep you coming back. This combination in a personality is a special kind of posion. (More info below.). My warning is about narcissist. All types- run, donʻt walk.
The problem with the narcissistic love story is it is magical initially. Because they are studying you. Learning everything you want to feel, hear and see from them, you are in the middle of your ideal love story. This first stage is the love bombing stage. Most people Will have a very difficult time recognizing this stage. The narcissist is mirroring back to you your perfect way of being loved. The perfect partner. Its over time that you see the cracks in their mask. So the best advice I can give is, move slowly. Take your time. Ask questions. A lot of questions. Look into any red flags. Use your gut. Get to know them. If it seems to good to be true, it May be. Then slow it down. I promise you the fall out is not worth the high of this love bomb.
The love bomb is the first sign. Another sign I notice is relationship history. Many cant hold Long relationships. And a huge red flag is they talk ill of their past partner. Narcissist have a disposal phase when leaving a relationship. When they are done with you they ghost and dump. Then they blame their past partner for the ending. They Will create Many negative stories about their past partner. And spread that story around town. The narcissists main concern is always their appearance and reputation. They cant be seen as the bad Guy. So they create stories to make them the vicitm in any breakup.
Another sign I notice is they are mysterious. They seem calm and a little aloof. This is because they hide a lot. They study people. They are predators. They are looking for their next prey. They wear Many masks to Many people. They May have Many friends. In union you get to see the real side of someone. (Well eventually with covert narcissists.). So they May have Long term, deep friendships, if they are are covert. You have to become a detective. A fierce protector of your own heart, soul and mind. Discernment is very important.